[Author’s Note: Gender discrimination (treating boys and girls differently) has been a common practice worldwide for thousands and thousands of years. In recent times, many countries have worked hard at giving the same educational and vocational opportunities to girls as they do boys. But in Southeast Asia, it is a common practice for the girls in a family to be treated worse than the boys. If families can only afford to send some of their children to school, it will only be the boy or boys that go. The educated boy will often grow up and be able to get a job. When he is grown, his parents will arrange his marriage to a girl that they think is suitable for him. Then his bride’s family will pay an expensive dowry (gifts of clothing, jewelry, furniture, and a vehicle) to his family. Once they are married, his new bride will do all the cooking and cleaning for him and his parents (and any siblings that still live in the home). People in Southeast Asia are often very disappointed to have a girl because it means that they will have to pay a lot of money to someone else to have her married. It means that she will leave their family and take care of her husband’s family. It means that she will be “another mouth to feed” instead of contributing financially to the family. In large cities and among the wealthy and more educated, these practices are happening less often than they once did, but they are still routinely practiced among the poor, uneducated, or any class/caste in suburban and rural settings.]
The Girl with No Birthday
My parents were married when my mom was only 15 years old. She had no say in who she married and only met my dad the day before their wedding. He was several years older than her and their marriage was not good. When she found out she was pregnant, everyone was so happy…until she delivered a girl. Her in-laws told her that it was her fault that she had a girl…maybe she hadn’t eaten the right herbs or prayed enough to the gods. A year later, she was pregnant again. The second child was also a daughter. My dad was so upset and blamed my mom again for this daughter. She became pregnant 18 months later and delivered their third girl. More disappointment. More anger from my dad and his family.
I was born the fourth daughter of an unhappy couple in an unhappy family. My parents were so upset when I was born that they tore up my birth certificate and burned the pieces. A couple years later, they finally had the boy that they always dreamed of. I watched as my little brother got to eat better food, sleep on a softer bed, and wear better clothes than I did. I loved my little brother, but even when we were young, I was blamed (and punished) for his misbehaving.
When I was 14, even though I begged them not to, my parents arranged my marriage to an older man in the village.
Just a month after we were married, he became very sick from his years of drinking alcohol. The local doctors told my parents that he would die soon and that they should help me get a divorce. Just one year after my divorce, my parents were arranging my marriage to another man. This man was closer to my age and was educated and had a good job. The beginning of our marriage was fine, but my in-laws treated me like a slave. Even when I became pregnant with twins, I still had to work long hours, doing all the housework and cooking all the meals for everyone in the family. My doctor told the family to let me rest or else the babies would come early. They patted my head in front of the doctor and told him that they would be sure to let me rest. But as soon as he left, they began yelling at me to finish washing the dishes and clothes (by hand) and to make sure that food would be ready in time for dinner.
Just as the doctor predicted, the hard work I was forced to do made me go into labor and my babies were born nearly three months early. One baby was less than a pound. One was just a little over a pound. Twins are considered good luck in our family, but they were girls…so there was disappointment as well.
(Representational photo from Getty Images)
I loved my little girls and worked tirelessly to help keep them alive and grow big and strong. We took them home from the hospital when they were just 4 days old. My family helped me fashion an incubator with plastic domes and hot water bottles. When I realized that they would survive, I vowed that their lives would be different from mine.
Six years later, my husband’s abuse and the treatment from my in-laws was too much to handle. I left the village and moved in with my parents and younger brother, who had migrated to New Delhi for work. Within a few months after arriving, my girls were settling in to school…
and I was getting into a normal routine in my work as a maid for three families. And then the Covid pandemic hit India. Everything was shut down overnight. For two months, my father, mother, brother and daughters sat inside our house while we waited for some news that the world would reopen. By the time limited travel was allowed, all of our savings were depleted and we were running out of food.
In desperation, I began to go from door-to-door asking for work. As I went from house to house, I began to ask God to help me. One day, an older Indian lady told me that she would hire me and that perhaps her foreign neighbor would as well. I had never spoken with a foreigner before, but I had no choice. I needed the work. To my surprise, the foreign lady knew Hindi. I was nervous to work for her, but she was kind and asked me how I was…how I really was. I blurted out that we had no more food in the house and that I was worried that my twin daughters would starve. Before I left that day, she advanced me a whole month’s salary to be able to buy food for my entire family. God had heard my prayer.
The next day when I went to the foreigner’s house, I told her that I wanted to know which god she worshipped, because I had never seen generosity like that before in my life. She told me that she followed Lord Jesus–a name that I had not heard before. I asked her if she could teach me about Lord Jesus, so that I could also walk in His path. That day she began to tell me stories from a book that she called the Bible. Every day after my work was finished, we would sit down and she would tell me a new story. After a few weeks, I noticed that so many of the stories about Lord Jesus included stories about women…about their value, about their faith, about their place in the Kingdom of God. I had never heard about anyone treating women this way…except for one other time. In my village, a few years ago, in the middle of my misery, I began to hear the name “Master Yeesu.” I watched as different neighbors traded in their idol worship for reading a big book together and singing songs of worship to Master Yeesu. I heard stories of miraculous healings taking place in Master Yeesu’s name and that everyone was equal in the sight of Master Yeesu–rich, poor, young, old, male, female.
The more I heard of Lord Jesus, the more I thought of Master Yeesu. One day, while I was at work, I told the whole rotten story of my life to my new foreign friend. She, in turn, told me the story of a broken woman named Hagar. Though she had lived a life of abuse and though she was alone in the wilderness, God saw her, just as He saw me. Suddenly, the light came on! “Is it possible that Master Yeesu and Lord Jesus could be one and the same?” I asked my friend. When she confirmed what I had suspected, I cried out, “Are you telling me that the God whose power I have already seen, is the God who sees ME?” My friend and I both burst into tears at the thought.
Every day, I studied the Bible more and more and eventually began to read it in my own language. Just a few weeks after hearing the name “Lord Jesus” for the first time, I fully put my faith in him. I have decided to be baptized as well, to show my commitment to following the path of the One who used an unwanted girl to save her family. Since I’ve never known what my date of birth is, I have decided to start using the date of my baptism as my birthday when people ask.
Following the path of Lord Jesus has given me new life, a restored relationship with my family…and even a birthday.